Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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