Joe is yelling at the trees again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
