I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
