if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
