evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just high enough for therapy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
