dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
