i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
