what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
