you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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