had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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