In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize