this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
