Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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