I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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