Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
