So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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