I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
