when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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