I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
