Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
