At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
