I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize