apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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