Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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