They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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