allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
