Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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