I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Drunk is a universal language darling
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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