That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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