Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
