yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
