I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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