he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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