I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
