k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize