This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
