i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize