Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
