he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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