new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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