is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
