I wish i was in the wii world.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize