are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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