Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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