Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
