So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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