booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
