I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
the liver wants what the liver wants
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
