so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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