Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
