Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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