I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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