whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's official drugs can't kill me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize