we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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