ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
