Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
