im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
