my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
