my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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