Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
