So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
