OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The uberlube is also flammable
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
