I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
