Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
