nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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