i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
