Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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